Space Race: Aliens, President Kennedy, and Conspiracy

[Note to Readers: The U.S. Government—widely recognized for its accuracy, efficiency, and expediency—has always denied the existence of aliens; the kind from outer-space, not the kind from outer-countries. We will flatly (because of the shape of this page) state for the record that we believe aliens do exist, and the government also believes this, but the government (“every once in a while for the people”) has conducted a cover-up about aliens, using top-secret blankets in top-secret hangars in top-secret places no one has ever heard of such as Area 51, Nevada, The Pentagon, and The Bermuda Triangle.]

As early as October 1957, the Soviet Union (“Roo-skees”) launched the Sputnik 1 satellite, following a failed attempt to launch a Beatnik. A couple months later, the U.S. (“Yang-kees”) launched the Explorer 1 satellite into the exact same space. Ever since then, the U.S. and Russia—and, later, even the Chinese, French, Indians, and Elon Muskians—have openly admitted that there is a space race. This clearly means two things: (1) Aliens are routinely racing in space; and (2) Various earthling government representatives (astronauts, cosmonauts, Argonauts, and Whatnots, including people, monkeys, dogs, and guinea pigs) have traveled to space to observe, and probably participate in, the races.

Using either deductive or inductive logic, one can easily draw, or at least sketch, one’s own conclusions about aliens(assuming one has paper and pencil handy; caution—do not use deductive or inductive logic near water). The reader does not need to rely on any governments’ misinformation program which simultaneously maintains that a space race does exist, but aliens do not. Millions of people believe that aliens exist. In fact, more people believe in the aliens than they do in the government, mainly because more people have actually seen aliens in person, whereas they have rarely ever seen their government representatives, except possibly in a TV commercial around election time.

Even the most casual observer realizes that even spendthrifts like Congresspersons would not approve and fund a program to spend a gazillion dollars, work more than 60 years, train hundreds of space cowboys and cowgirls, hit golf balls on the Moon, drive Radio Shack RC cars on Mars, station the L. Ron Hubbard Telescope up yonder, and build an International Space Station (IHOP) —with various nations like China, Spain, Texas—just to pick up some rocks and invent Velcro. Okay, it is the government we’re talking about, so maybe the foregoing makes sense, but we think it makes even more sense that the government would do all that stuff because they are in cahoots (Latin for “secret meetings”) with extraterrestrials (Latin for “more than one extraterrestrial”).

Of course the government can’t just come right out and say: “Good evening, fellow citizens. We want to inform you that we are in cahoots with extraterrestrials.” Such an announcement would cause uncontrollable panic, not seen since the distressing Cabbage Patch doll shortage of Christmas 1983, wherein “anything for my Susie” parents—demonstrating the true spirit of the season—attacked one another during festive Yuletide riots (really) at K-Marts. If the government actually said that aliens exist, good citizens of would start wearing aluminum foil hats and spend too much unproductive time learning to speak Klingon, rather than spending so much productive time watching ESPN channels 1 through 42 and “So You Think You Have Talent and Can Survive On An Island and Can Dance and Can Be An Idol and Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”

Concerned for its citizens’ safety and security—along with believing that most citizens are not smarter than fifth graders—the government obviously has no choice but to keep any alien encounters secret, and therefore to employ an official double-secret probation technique called the cover-up. The technique was, and still is, most widely used by Mary Kay and Revlon, but the government isn’t too concerned with cosmetics, except when used on animals, most of which don’t even wear makeup. But the government is concerned with presidents of the United States, particularly any who are young, smart, handsome, Catholic, and choose to live in Camelot, rather than in D.C. Of course that president was John Jack “PT-109” Fitz Gerald Kennedy. Tragically, on November 22, 1963 (it was a truly terrible day for America and the world), President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas. Ever since that fateful day, many Americans believe there was a conspiracy behind the president’s death, and that the government conducted a cover-up.

Unfortunately, many Americans did not trust the government, and people believed the government was certainly capable of conducting secret operations and then covering them up. Most Americans were familiar with the infamous 1947 Roswell incident where everybody knows the government orchestrated a massive coverup of a crashed alien flying saucer, to convince people that it was just a regular ol’ weather balloon; at least they didn’t claim that it was swamp gas! The Roswell coverup set the standard for ensuing mistrust of the government, especially when it came to matters about space and anything to do with humans traveling to or in space, or any non-human beings who were probably traveling around in space. After all, it was only sixteen years after the Roswell incident, with the subject still very fresh in everyone’s mind, that President Kennedy was sadly taken from the nation and world, and the collective “us” of our country.

So it is completely understandable that most of the public did not believe President Kennedy was killed by only one man, a lone gunman. Claims of a conspiracy and a government coverup took hold immediately. The various conspiracy theories involved Vice President Lyndon “Daddy Bird” Johnson, The Mob, Jimmy Hoffa and the AFL-CIO, the CIA, the FBI, the Black Panthers, Siegfried and Roy’s White Tigers, the Russians and KGB, “WKRP in Cincinnati,” Fidel Castro and Cuba—to name just a few. Some Americans even believe that President Kennedy’s assassin was the grassy knoll or the Texas School Book Depository building! However, officially the government concluded that the president was shot by one, and only one, man—either John Wilkes Booth or Lee Harvey Oswald. (An expert criminal profiler noted that the shooter would be a person who used “at least three names.”) A quick investigation by the astute Warren Commission eliminated the first suspect, mainly because he had been dead for almost a century. Therefore, Oswald had to be the man. When arrested, Oswald did not help his case when he yelled—in Spanish and Russian—nonsensical comments like: “Hey, no way I could have pulled this off solo! Just watch the ‘Kennedy Conspiracy’ shows on the History Channel!”

So the Roswell incident and the tragic assassination of President Kennedy solidified for many Americans a distrust in the government and a stalwart belief that the government could possibly in fact be involved in both conspiracies and coverups.

A certain percentage of the public believed, and still does believe, that the Roswell incident and President Kennedy’s untimely demise were actually indirectly, and possibly directly, related. The theory is that U.S. presidents are briefed about the most important ultra-secret government projects and activities, and that President Kennedy was well-aware that a UFO and alien beings were discovered at the Roswell crash site, and the remains of both were housed in a likewise ultra-secret government facility. For some, that belief led to a rather short leap to concluding that UFOs, aliens, and outer space were the real reason behind President Kennedy’s affinity for, and urgency about, the U.S. space program. In short, he wanted to get Americans into space in an effort to find out what was up with aliens. Despite the fact that aliens may have been visiting Earth since at least 1947, and most likely for centuries or millennia, it seemed entirely plausible that outer space would be a pretty good place to run into aliens. And one place that aliens might be more inclined to visit was the Moon, mainly because it was closer to outer space and there was less traffic.

Why else would President Kennedy have been so adamant about putting a man on the moon? And why else would he want to beat the Russians? Clearly, the president had the truly visionary perspective that the Moon was the closet place to Earth where there might be aliens, and he probably had been briefed that the Soviets figured the same thing! After all, why would the Soviets also be so interested in outer space and the Moon? Does anyone really believe that humans wanted to go to the moon for the main reason that President Kennedy famously proclaimed in September 1962: “We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.” Go to the Moon just because it is hard to do?! But of course he couldn’t come right out and say, “We choose to go to the Moon because we hope to meet some aliens up there.” That would have given away the big secret: that the president and the government knew for a fact that aliens exist, and that they were sure of that because of the UFO and alien(s) discovered at Roswell!

Unfortunately, the president did not live to see his brave vision completed. As we know, the president’s life was abruptly taken just thirteen months after he delivered his “To the Moon” speech. For some, it seemed that there was a strange and unseemly coincidence between the Roswell incident, the presidents interest in space, and the loss of so great a man, so soon after his declaration to land a man on the moon. For some, there was actually no coincidence, but rather a conspiracy to prevent the president from moving forward with his bold initiative to go to the moon, and to do so in less than eight short years. For many people’s thinking, a conspiracy was enacted, and then a coverup was put in place. Of course if either the conspiracy or the coverup were true, or both, they did nothing to stop the progress of the President Kennedy’s principal legacy regarding the ultimate travel from this planet...the establishment of NASA’s Human Space Flight Program, dramatically accelerating the space race.

The Russians beat the US by putting the first man is space in 1961. The US beat the Russians by landing the first man on the moon in 1969. There have been six operational space stations, one currently. Five hundred thirty-six humans have traveled in space. There are almost four thousand satellites. Thirteen countries have space programs. Multiple countries are working to land on the moon. Rovers have explored Mars and at least one satellite is leaving the solar system. Several countries are planning missions to Mars. Thousands of space tourists have paid for tickets. Almost $3 trillion has been spent on space projects. A Tesla sports car is orbiting the Earth. Vroom! The space race is alive and well. Aliens are no doubt amused, watching the race.