Deep, Dark Mysteries of the Universe

How females are genetically programmed to be able to use a hula-hoop.

How come salad bars don’t serve liquor?

Garbanzo Beans.

All American children between ages three and six¾regardless of gender, race, religion, hair color or sneaker size―are programmed with subliminal messages from Chef-boy-R-D, to call long skinny Italian pasta “bizgetti.”

Liposuction

People actually live in New Jersey.

Synchronized swimming

Professional wrestling

Baloney is spelled b-a-l-o-g-n-a.

Some people actually get paid to bowl. And some people―who don’t get paid―WATCH other people bowl.

Three cinder blocks stacked in my garage are building supplies; but in the Gee Museum of Modern Art, they are a “powerful depiction of post-modern capitalist urban expansion, by brilliant young artist Friedhalf Putzkopf.”

Bread does not get yeast infections.

All female ice-skaters are pretty.

If you have a liquor license, it’s still illegal to drive dunk.

Spam

If people who ride horses in competitions don’t wear those domed black hats, will they fall off the horse?